friends+coming through=all for you

Posted on | March 11, 2010 | No Comments

Tonight I was surprised… really surprised by 3 people showing up at my door with open arms and concern on there faces. These 3 people were those who some of those whom I held dearest for the past few years. To mention names, they were Dave, Eddie and John, Otherwise known to me as Pantry, Ez E, and DW. (Ms. Kris showed up later on as well, so that brings the total to 4 people).

With these 4 showing up at my doorstep, I feel there is more of a purpose to my life again. I am shown that people do love and care for me. People to worry about me, and people to miss me.

I’ve been wallowing in my sadness for some time now, and I don’t see an easy out for myself still. but with these people showing up for me tonight, I saw that there is a need and a want to go on, and to get better.

I don’t want the ‘old rich’ to be reborn, but in fact, I want a ‘better rich’ to be molded.

I have been unhappy for so long now and I finally have a hope to go forward. Finally there is a little light. I don’t want to come off as sounding ungrateful for the family that I am blessed with, but It (to me) has felt like, I haven’t had anyone to talk to for so long that my sadness has overtaken me. I think my I’ve been so misunderstood (and still am) that I’ve been incapable of taking to anyone about what’s troubling me. although there have been people that have had problems, they have not encountered my problems. Although there are those that can offer advise, there have been non that could offer advise to help fix me.

I have been a lost soul traveling through a mess of my own inferno and I’ve been burning for so long that I’ve lost sight of all that I should and can be. I hope that this visit from these true friends tonight will help me to walk, jog, run onto the rightful path again. I hope I’m able to regain a faith, a hope, a glory of a better tomorrow.

I don’t want to burn anymore. I feel that I’ve been in ‘Dis’ for so long. I want to and need to get out.

These people acted… Eddie, Dave, John,and Kristin, acted tonight in the hopes of regaining me, freeing me from my torment. I am truly and humbly grateful that they showed up for me tonight. It means the world to me, for those that I held and hold so dear to so up… I didn’t ask them to… They just did because they saw the need.

Tonight was one of the best nights of my life because I felt loved. I know I am loved and missed. My family misses me as well and I know this, I just haven’t been able to act on it for what feels like lifetimes.

I’ve always felt like ‘happiness and peace of mind were never meant for me’ (yes these are lyrics to a NIN song from the ‘still’ album)… but, with this being stated and out in the open, Tonight has shown me… that… It is time, It’s time for me to release myself back into the world. It’s time for my creativity to ‘spark’ anew. It’s time to stop wallowing. It’s time for all my pieces and fragments of the little reality I know that reform, to merge anew, to ignite into greatness. I know I can be great. I know I possess a talent that few could even dream off…. Do something Rich… Fucking do something with it. Prove your fucking worth. Prove it.

Greatness is something that is earned by those whom have proved themselves worthy. Do I have what it takes to step up?… To answer, I don’t know, but I’m willing to try to see if I posses this ability.

I’m ready to face my shadow(s)… I’m ready.



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